As your child grows, you may start to notice their unique personality. But without you even realizing it, they may be expressing something even deeper: their love language.
Understanding your child’s love language can be a great parenting tool. Knowing how your child feels loved, valued, and emotionally secure can strengthen family relationships, improve communication, and deepen emotional connection in the home.
What are the five love languages?
The concept of the Five Love Languages was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman after years of being a marriage counselor. Dr. Chapman began to observe that everyone–even children–give and receive love in different ways.
When couples expressed feeling unloved, Dr. Chapman would ask them, “What do you need?” Their answers almost always fell into five categories. These five categories became known as the Five Love Languages:
Acts of Service: When actions speak louder than words.
Receiving Gifts: When thoughtful and meaningful gifts communicate love.
Quality Time: When undivided attention makes someone feel loved and valued.
Words of Affirmation: When kind and encouraging words build emotional connection.
Physical Touch: When appropriate physical touch communicates love and safety.
While originally a concept for marriage relationships, this framework has carried on to be beneficial for parenting and child development as well.
Why do love languages matter in parenting?
Being able to recognize your child’s emotional needs can help you be able to meet those needs. When your child’s needs are met consistently, they will feel more secure, loved, confident, and connected to you.
Knowing your child’s love language can:
- Strengthen parent-child connection
- Improve communication
- Reduce behavior issues rooted in feeling misunderstood
- Support healthy emotional development
- Encourage positive parenting practices
You may feel loved when your significant other unloads the dishwasher (acts of service) but especially appreciated when they bring you a sweet and unexpected gift. Both are meaningful but one may resonate more deeply. The same is true for children.
When you learn your child’s primary love language, you have more clarity and tools to know how to love them in a way that better stands out and touches their heart.
How do I find out my child's love language?
You may be wondering how to discover your child’s love language. There are many practical ways to do so depending on their age and the resources available to you.
Take the love language assessment
You can take this Love Language assessment for free. When you take the online quiz, you can select that you are taking the quiz for your child. The quiz will then walk you through prompts and give you exercises to help discover what their primary love language may be. (You can also take the quiz separately for yourself.)
If your child is younger than 8, the exercise you can try is to have your child draw or list some ways that parents love their child.
If your child is between the ages of 8 and 12, there are several statements you can read to your child and have them respond to which they would prefer.
Read The Love Language Book for Families
For additional resources that are great for younger children, you can find Love Languages for Children or Screen kids : 5 relational skills every child needs in a tech-driven world at Poudre Libaries for free with a library card (or find at your local library if you are located outside of Fort Collins).
You can purchasethe 5 love languages book bundle that includes the original Five Love Languages book (with assessment included) and a children’s book that dives deeper into finding your child’s primary love language in a fun, educational, and interactive way.
*This is not a sponsored item, just a helpful tool. Alpha Center is not affiliated with any links nor makes a commission off of any items purchased.
Observe Your Child's Behavior
Children will often show love the way they want to receive it. So, if you are still struggling to uncover which love language best fits your child, take note of how they love you.
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- Do they get home from school and immediately want to be in your embrace? They may feel loved through physical touch.
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- Do they want to tell you the note their teacher wrote on their assignment? Words of affirmation may mean a lot to them.
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- Do they love bringing you something they found on the playground or a drawing from school? They may appreciate receiving gifts.
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- Do they offer to help you cook dinner or clean up the toys? Maybe acts of service speaks loudly to them.
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- Do they beg for your attention or crave one-on-one time? They may love quality time.
I know my child's love language - Now what?
Once you begin recognizing how your child feels loved, you can put that knowledge into action. Below are practical parenting ideas based on each love language.
Physical Touch:
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- Hugs
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- Snuggles
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- Kisses
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- Sitting close
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- Holding hands
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- Piggyback rides
Words of Affirmation:
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- “I love you”
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- “I’m proud of you”
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- “I believe in you”
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- “You have such a kind heart”
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- “You’re a good friend”
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- “I’m so lucky to have you”
Quality Time:
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- One-on-one time
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- Date to the park
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- Ice cream run
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- Build a blanket fort
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- Cook together
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- Visit the library
Gifts:
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- Leave special notes
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- Give them a drawing
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- Bring them a flower
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- Make them their favorite snack
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- Read a book together
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- Something from nature that reminder you of them
Acts of Service:
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- Learn their favorite hobby
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- Make their favorite meal
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- Volunteer at their school
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- Help them with a chore
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- Bring cookies to a neighbor together
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- Help them with their homework
Understanding your child’s love language isn’t about putting them in a box or limiting the ways you show them love. It’s about better communication that means more.
Creating an environment where your child feels deeply loved, seen, and valued helps create strong relationships and emotional connection.
Learn More about Successful Parents
We want to empower you to be the best parent you can be! Join us for monthly Successful Families Classes, or learn more information about one-on-one mentoring for moms and dads.
