After-Abortion Care - One Participant’s Experience
No matter your story, Alpha Center is here for you.
While some women feel relief after an abortion, there is considerable evidence that a woman’s emotional health can be affected negatively by an abortion decision. She may experience guilt, grief, sadness, or other mental health complications such as depression or anxiety.
If this has been your experience, you aren’t alone. Nearly 1 in 4 women in the United States (23.5%) has had at least one abortion. A study released in 2023 found that two-thirds of women described their abortion decision as “a violation of their own values and preferences,” and 24% described their abortions as “unwanted or coerced.” While many women can suppress negative emotions or thoughts for years following an abortion, for some, an event such as the birth or miscarriage of a subsequent child or the death of a loved one can be a trigger, breaking their ability to repress what they had previously managed to ignore.
If you are struggling with your abortion, Alpha Center’s After Abortion Care program offers hope to those experiencing abortion regret or trauma through a nine-week study. This spring (2025) Alpha Center is planning to host a three day retreat (plus two meetings) for those who are unable to commit to the longer time frame.
In recent years, the After-Abortion Care program has served nearly 30 women as they sought healing from their abortion experiences. Those who were facing immediate abortion regret, those who weren't ready to share in a group setting, and those who were in the process of making a decision about the outcome of their pregnancy had the opportunity to speak with someone who has also experienced abortion. The women served come from all walks of life, religions, ages, and kinds of abortion. Some were more recent, while others were decades ago. The hope of healing was offered to each of them and can be extended to you, too.
Here is Kathleen’s* story, in her own words.
“Shame, guilt, grief, sorrow, and darkness covered me day after day, year after year. A dark cloud hung over me and followed me everywhere I went. It never went away. No matter how hard I prayed, it was constant. It played on repeat over and over and over. Every single day, I was reminded. Holidays, birthdays, and celebrations were even darker. I believed this was my punishment, it’s what I deserved. And, on the worst days, I wished to be dead rather than to live with the deep anguish I was tortured with. I was alone. I was ashamed. I kept the secrets of my past locked away.
I thought I could somehow redeem myself by volunteering at Alpha Center. I believed that, just maybe, if I could save one girl from making the same mistake, I wouldn’t have to suffer so deeply. During volunteer orientation, the kind coordinator shared with the group about the different programs the Alpha Center offered and one stuck out to me. “Our Awake (now After Abortion Support) program offers support to women who have had an abortion,” she stated.
For the first time, I felt a glimpse of hope. And, for the first time, I shared with a complete stranger about my abortion. I felt safe with her, and I had never felt anything like this before. From that day forward my life was forever changed.
Shortly thereafter, I began the nine-week course. The two women who led us were some of the most gentle, kind-hearted, loving women I had ever met. They were incredibly knowledgeable leaders with deep compassion and empathy. They knew my pain from their own experiences, but when they talked about their own stories, they spoke about it from a place of healing. I could see that they were on the other side of pain and suffering- and I desperately wanted this.
I poured my heart and soul into each lesson. The experience was one of the most difficult things I’ve walked through. It was painful, but absolutely necessary to heal. For the first time in my life, I shared the darkest parts of my past. I shared the memories that haunted and tortured me with other women who knew my pain and were in the group with me. We cried together, shared, held hands, laughed and healed with each other. We walked hand-in-hand on this journey. I was no longer alone.
I never imagined being on the other side of my pain, but today, I am in awe of where I am. I wouldn’t be here without Alpha Center’s After-Abortion Support Program. I wouldn’t be here without the two leaders who walked with me in my journey. I wouldn’t be here without the other woman who took this course alongside me.
Today, I am a different woman. I am forgiven. I am not haunted, I am no longer tortured. I am not ashamed of who I am. I have been set free. While the dark clouds pass over me once in a while, they are no longer here to stay. I am more confident. I am stronger. I am living my life for the first time in many years. I have hope and joy. I had no idea that living like this was even possible, and I cry tears of joy as I write this. My life was saved because of the Alpha Center and the three women who walked alongside me in my journey.“
Sources:
Reardon DC. The abortion and mental health controversy: A comprehensive literature review of common ground agreements, disagreements, actionable recommendations, and research opportunities. SAGE Open Medicine. 2018;6. doi:10.1177/2050312118807624
Major B, Appelbaum M, Beckman L, et al. Report of the APA Task Force on mental health and abortion. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2008, 105 pp, http://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/abortion/mental-health.pdf
Studnicki, J., Longbons, T., Fisher, J., Reardon, D. C., Skop, I., Cirucci, C. A., ... & Ras, Z. (2023). A cohort study of mental health services utilization following a first pregnancy abortion or birth. International Journal of Women's Health, 955-963.
Reardon D C, Rafferty K A, Longbons T (May 11, 2023) The Effects of Abortion Decision Rightness and Decision Type on Women’s Satisfaction and Mental Health. Cureus 15(5): e38882. doi:10.7759/cureus.38882
*named changed for confidentiality
